To braving vulnerability
Vulnerability. Makes me take a deep breath before I even write another word.
How do you react? My initial reaction is visceral. My nose scrunches up, I feel a tightness across my chest, and a pit in my stomach. For me, so much comes to mind around the word vulnerability. My first thought is a responsibility to protect.
In medicine, each disease process and acute issue has identified “vulnerable populations”. These groups are identified as those who are at greater risk for increased susceptibility, for poorer outcomes. These are the groups to keep in mind as those who have less protection against the elements (most commonly children, elderly, and pregnant women). Vulnerability also extends to hugely impactful lifestyle factors, including socioeconomic status and physical environment. We have an obligation to protect the vulnerable from harm. That feels clear to me.
But what about emotional vulnerability? This feels different to me. Maybe this is more of a chosen response. Whether to show vulnerability or to choose an alternate exterior (i.e. showing the world that you’re strong when you’re feeling weak, or that you have it all together when you feel like you’re living in utter chaos).
Emotional vulnerability is telling the truth, both to yourself and others.
“It is being willing to express the truth no matter what — the truth of who you are. The essence at the core of what you are feeling at any given moment. Being able to open up your soul and let it flow so that other people can see their soul in yours.” [Oprah Winfrey]
We’re working against a lifetime of being bombarded with messages warning against sharing this truth. We’ve been told things like “don’t show your full hand” or “don’t come on too strong too early, they might not like you” or “be strong, don’t show your struggle, protect yourself”. While the goal of these messages is to protect from emotional harm, the underlying drive is to instill fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being accepted for who you really are, how you really feel, or what you really believe. Does this change who you are? No. It just holds you back from being and showing up who/how you truly are.
A huge issue. The focus of these messages is on the reactions, opinions, and desires of others. This inadvertently puts our wants/needs/opinions second (or third, fourth…fiftieth). We focus on hiding what’s true to make others accept us for what we think they want/like. How we think THEY will perceive us. Woof! So much second guessing, reassessing, overanalyzing must we endure? How exhausting. Doesn’t it feel like translating from a mother language? From what’s real for you to what you think would be most acceptable to others? Wouldn’t it be phenomenal to just be who we really are? Embracing our vulnerability has so much to offer. By being your true self unapologetically, could this create an opportunity to attract your people as opposed to trying to fit a self-inflicted mold?
Emotional vulnerability is universal. It’s something we all experience. Vulnerability offers the opportunity for connection. It also invites the vulnerability of others. Bravely being vulnerable evokes courage in others to do the same. It means sharing that “this is hard”, knowing that this admission does not mean you are incapable. It means being honest with where you are, who you are - even if it’s not where or who you want to be. It means living authentically.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. No one does. Be brave to let it all show. You are spectacular exactly as you are.
