Humanity: The most common denominator
No two people are the same. We are each 100% unique. No one in the entire world is exactly like you. Or me. Or Joe Schmoe.
We live in a world made up of millions of distinctly different individuals. Appearances, circumstances, opinions, choices, background, feelings, goals, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs. The world we live in is full of judgment and comparison. Competition and misunderstanding. Intolerance and hate.
It is also full of joy and kindness. Empathy and support. Love and acceptance.
We are not meant to be the same. Or even to agree. We are destined to challenge one another to see things in a new light. To learn from one another. To grow because of our experiences with each other. So why is it that intolerance can be so reflexive?
Let’s start by agreeing on our common denominator. At the most basic level, we are all human. Before all the rest, we belong to the same species. If we choose the mindset of “we”, meaning our collective human existence, (as opposed to “me versus you” or “us versus them”) can we acknowledge that we all belong to the same group? Can we all be included?
To me, inclusion is linked to acceptance. This does not have to mean I subscribe or that I would choose the same for myself. Inclusion is consciously choosing to accept people, ideas, and opinions as valid and worthy - even if they are different from my own. It means respecting another person as an equal human being regardless of what they look like, what they choose, or what they believe.
Is this always the default? Nope. Does it feel comfy? Much of the time it may not. So how do we practice inclusion?
Listen to understand, not to convince. Often when we listen, we are doing so while simultaneously (often subconsciously) crafting a response. However, if we remember that two things can be true at the same time, we can acknowledge that a challenge to our opinions or beliefs does not insinuate they are wrong. How we feel is just as true as how the next person does (even if it’s in direct conflict with our ideals). Both perspectives can be right, true, valid even. Listening to understand helps us to learn, gain insight, and acknowledge the truth in another’s experience (even if it remains different from our own).
Get curious. If we are able to see through the lens of curiosity, our judgment is forced to take a pause. Getting curious about another’s point of view sparks motivation to learn, not to judge.
Make no assumptions. We are practiced storytellers. We can create intricate narratives about what could be true. However, what we know to be true is a very small fraction of the story we may create. Making assumptions can be dangerous, hurtful, and truly unfair. Emanating empathy, respect, and openness to learn what’s true invites safe, productive communication.
So how do we meet hate with acceptance? With inclusion?
I am deeply saddened and infuriated that hate is very much alive and well in this world. Hate is such a strong and dangerous word. It was one of three on the shit list in my house growing up (along with shut up and stupid). On the occasion that my toddler uses it (in testing me or in learning to make sense of the world), it makes me cringe and I feel an urge to reactively condemn the word. Instead I’ve settled on this: “We never hate people. We may hate the choices they make or how they make us feel, but we don’t hate the people they are.”
In the state of the world, I find myself conflicted with how to promote unconditional inclusivity. Unconditional acceptance. Especially when many are being condemned simply for who they are. I think it boils down to the recognition and acceptance of our shared humanity.
Every human being matters. Every voice matters. Every life matters.
I feel at a loss for those who can’t recognize and acknowledge this sameness. Who don’t respect each human being’s relevance as equal and deserving.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
Holding light and love for you and with you.
