The superpower of conscious choice in leading your life
Lead your life.
Lead to move. Lead to pause. Lead to pivot. Lead to freaking trail blaze.
What does it mean to lead? Generally, leadership implies there are others to guide. That there are others to, well, follow the leader. If we focus on leading the self, yourself, how do we start? At first glance, it may seem as though that’s already happening. If it’s just me, I must be calling the shots, right? No one else is walking in my shoes. Who else could it possibly be? I’m going to invite you to step “out there” with me for a moment…
Within each of our unique minds, we carry around a plethora of versions of ourselves. Different perspectives. Multiple voices. Each developed at some point over the course of our lives. Each has been recruited to help us survive our circumstances, thrive even. They ping pong around in our minds all day long, making an awful lot of noise. Some voices have powerful brilliance to offer, while others use savvy tactics to hold us back. Amongst all this noise, it may not be so clear as who is driving this ship.
Who is your true self? Your wise overseer. The one who triages your challenges, needs, and desires. The one that knows the answer (even if it’s scary or hard).
"There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind - you are the one who hears it.” [Michael A. Singer]
The voice from our true selves can be hard to find, especially untethered by the convincing opinions of our inner critics, our saboteurs. These voices have a unique presence in each of us. Saboteurs may present as a voice, a triggered emotion, or a bodily sensation. These voices may say “you’re not good enough”, “you’re not ready yet”, “you’re not meant for this”, or even “it’s impossible”. They may trigger emotions such as dread, shame, fear, guilt. They may cause a feeling of tightness, heaviness, fatigue, a pit in the stomach. Saboteurs were born to help us navigate safely into adulthood. They know just how to get to us to listen. Most often, they want to keep us safe. Seems nice… except to a degree, safety is a place that keeps us from what we really want. Safe from taking risks in the name of change. Safe from working hard. Safe from making mistakes. Safe from discomfort essential for growth. The list is endless. While there’s at least an ounce of truth to everything they say, they create a damn good narrative that, if objectively evaluated, has no leg to stand on.
I have to tell you something important. I need you to hear this even if you can’t believe it just yet. That story is not yours. That voice is not you. You have the power to deny your saboteur(s) the opportunity to put a hand on your steering wheel.
Practice paying close attention to the narratives you hear between your ears. What is true about the story you are telling yourself? How much is this story in support of how you want to be (within yourself, your relationships, in the world)? What about what you want to do? Do the sentences start with “Yeah, but” or “You’re not”? Becoming aware of your true self as separate from your saboteur(s) (and all the other thought contributors) boldly opens the door to conscious choice.
Self-leadership is intentionally making the choice to honor your true self. For you to call the shots. To consciously consider what perspectives to internalize and which to reject. To have the final word. To harness the power in the choice we have.
The things we can control in life are far outnumbered by the things we can’t. We certainly can’t control the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others. We get ourselves into a world of hurt trying to convince ourselves that we possess this power… So much so that this fallacy often dictates our own choices and actions. We can’t even control which emotions or thoughts come to us or when they come. We can, however, choose how we show up. We can choose how much (if at all) we want to engage with the things that happen within us, to us, and around us on a daily basis. We can choose how deeply we are impacted by the judgment and opinions of others (including our saboteurs), by the sh*t our toddlers do/say, and by the weather forecast. To be able to observe the happenings of your life from a slight distance, to give pause to check in with your true self before engaging, is a superpower. Imagine being able to laugh, in the midst of a double toddler meltdown one minute before needing to leave the house. Glowing with appreciation for the moment for nothing more or less than it is instead of being overtaken.
Listening to your true voice is courageous. It’s scary. It’s a muscle many of us haven’t flexed consistently in a long while (maybe ever). Moreover, it is constantly berated by [sometimes very convincing] narratives that aim to distract from what’s true. From what we really want. It takes belief and trust in yourself to take your true word as the last word. To follow your inner compass without being rerouted.
You are a superhero in there. Lead from the you all the way in the deepest part. The real one. The one that may have been hiding for a while. Hi! There you are. It’s your turn to run sh*t.
Coaching offers a powerful means to deepen your understanding of each of the pieces of yourself (including your true self and saboteur(s)). The stronger your awareness of what’s “in there”, the more consciously you can make choices in alignment with your true self. The more you can live intentionally as the leader in your own life. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to learn more!
