I was there [and so were you]
“Enjoy it, it goes by so fast” - an all too familiar comment, so well-intentioned and sincere. When I hear it, I politely acknowledge, agree, shake off as much as I can, and continue on. Having a newborn reminds you of how slowly and quickly time passes at the same time. The inevitability of the lightning speed passage of time is a concept I really try to be intentional about. I don’t want to speed things up or wish the time away no matter how tricky some seasons of parenting feel [and are]. There are times that straight up don’t feel enjoyable. And there are moments I don’t ever want to forget. I don’t want to mourn the passage of time, especially because it’s not something I can control.
So often the default is a sadness. A guilt. A futile wish to pause time [or sometimes to speed it up]. Anticipation of what we will miss about the way our kids are now or how they used to be.
What if we focused on our presence? On something we know is true as time marches on:
I was there with my kids [and so were you].
I worry I won’t remember all the things my kids said or did. I won’t. But in the moment, I was there with each of them. I acknowledged them. I was there to kiss their unbelievable squishy cheeks, rub their soft, wrinkly backs, and nibble on their tiny fingers and toes. I was there.
I was there to repeat, ad nauseam, the importance of making safe and kind choices. To encourage them to use their words and not their bodies. To be sure they know their words matter. To sit with them when their feelings were too overwhelming to talk about. To give all their feelings permission to be here - to know that they will always pass [good and bad]. To make many mistakes, together, then learn and grow from them. To hold their growing bodies folded up in my lap. To remind them that I love them no matter what.
I can’t make time stand still or turn it back. If I did I would miss out on the next spectacular version of each of them. I was there then, can be here with them now, and aspire to be there for all the moments that come next.
“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” - Robert Munsch