Boo!
I’ve noticed that much of our time is spent feeling varying degrees of discomfort. Sure, our bods are destined to complain at times (sometimes more than others) as we navigate our daily physical existence. Physical discomfort is undeniably a pain (both literally and figuratively). However, I’m talking about the emotional discomfort: the worry, the unease, the disequilibrium. That feeling that sits in the pit of the stomach, or sweeps across the chest from shoulder to shoulder. It may be as mild as feeling “blah” or as serious as feeling legitimately unwell. This uncomfy feeling can accompany an impending decision, may visit while replaying an interaction, or make itself at home with you as you anticipate a million and one unknowns.
As humans, we are fixers. We are problem solvers. We are pretty darn creative, resilient, and stubborn. We are also adaptable, resourceful, and persistent. If we weren't, we wouldn't have made it this far. These tools for survival have also pushed us towards doing. Fixing. Solving. Navigating. Fixing. Fixing. Fixing.
Sometimes, we try to wrack our brains to alter things that don't need to be fixed at all. For a moment, stop doing. What if we don’t need to fix it? What if we need to sit with it and just be with it? Talk about uncomfy. Stop trying to get yourself out of this feeling and start to detect where this is stemming from. I’ve decided discomfort is a nice, juicy onion. If you’ve never seen me cut an onion, let me tell you it’s not pretty (if anyone has tips on how not to leak out of every orifice when cutting an onion please help a girl out). Kidding aside, what’s there when we peel back all the layers and get to the actual core of it? Fear. I’m scared. Terrified, even.
Well what’s to be afraid of? Geez, pretty much everything. Afraid to fail. Afraid to make the “wrong” decision. Afraid of loss: what is now, what has been, those I love, myself. Afraid of change even if I know it’s important. Afraid of being perceived a certain way. Afraid of disappointing someone. Afraid of what’s unknown.
Unconfronted, fear can be so strong that it keeps us in patterns that we know aren’t healthy, productive, or beneficial. We may be accepting our current situation because, as terrible as we may be treating ourselves by continuing as we are, at least we know what to expect. As insane as it feels to say, there can be some comfort in that. However, “nothing changes if nothing changes”. If we continue to accept our lives as they are because we fear for the unknown, whatever dissonance we are experiencing will persevere. We have a choice. We can acknowledge fear as a human emotion that will inevitably visit us. We can identify it, name it, and let it pass on. Alternatively, we can use it as a lens through which to see the world. The latter gives far more power to this emotion and less to who we are, what we value, and what we want.
What is your deepest, darkest fear? What is the one you can’t get over? The one that keeps coming to tap you on the shoulder and distract you from what you want for yourself. Name it. What would happen if it happened? What if you let yourself be in that space and just observe. It might feel horrible. You are capable. It might be horrible. You would adapt and evolve. We are only stuck if we say so. You have made it to where you are today by navigating each obstacle with undeniable success. Your track record is pretty darn good. I would be willing to bet you can and will navigate what’s next. How would you be if you weren’t afraid of this deep, dark fear? What if you knew you would manage, thrive even, if it occurred? How would this discomfort change for you then?
On the scariest day of the year, take a moment to let yourself be afraid. Get to the core of what’s uncomfy. Let’s identify what’s screaming out boo! May we accept and respect whatever that may be. Then let’s remember we are so very capable of choosing: boo-hoo or boo-ya!
